I had a bad sleep
last night, but I woke at some point during the night with words from God still
in my ears.
Which more than makes up for
the lack of sleep!
For years, I have
struggled with the Bible, particularly the Old Testament. I struggle with the stories and people in it,
and with the way God is portrayed in it.
In fact, I almost lost my faith over reading the Bible. So for a couple of years I have barely read
the Bible at all, because I didn't want to upset what felt like a delicate
balance of faith.
Yesterday a book
arrived in the mail for me. It's called
The Practise of the Presence of God, by a 17th century monk, Brother
Laurence. It's a very short book, less
than 100 pages, but it's one I know I will re-read many, many times. Brother Laurence talks about how he doesn't
find the set prayers and times of prayer to be of much importance, instead he
focuses his thoughts and heart at all times on God, and in this way he has been
constantly aware of the presence of God with him for many decades. As I read his thoughts on not doing what
everyone says you should do, but doing what works for you, my thoughts went
back to my struggles with the Word… because I miss it.
I have been aware,
over the last few weeks, of whispers in my spirit from God - little nudges and
promptings back towards Himself. I am
more aware of Him as I go through the day and night, and it feels like a re-awakening. It's lovely.
It's also sad, because I realise how much I have lost and missed of this communion.
So I woke last night
with the clear thought that I should try reading the Bible again, but this time
rather than letting my focus be captured by the flawed people who populate the
pages, I should focus instead on God in the Bible. Look for Him, and His works and
character. The other thing God said to
me was that apart from Jesus, He has never had a perfect person to work with. We are all, the whole human race of all
times, messy, generous, sinful, kind, stupid and flawed.
As I lay in bed
thinking all this over, one thing became clear to me: the teaching I've heard
from birth about the Bible from varying denominations has all had something in
common. The people in the Bible are
placed in gilded cages; ring-fenced with perfection. Either their own perfection, or the
perfection of God. Because of this
perfection, it is very hard to see them as real people, just like us.
Take Abraham. He is talked about in churches as the father
of faith, and the man who would do whatever God asked of him - he was even
willing to kill his own son because God asked him to! If we take off the perfection-tinted glasses,
we might notice some things that, if they are mentioned in church, tend to be
brushed over VERY quickly. Abraham
pimped his wife. He pimped his wife to
the Egyptian pharaoh, and got so much cash and livestock as a consequence that
he became one of the richest men around.
Hmmm… that isn't usually mentioned when we're talking about Father
Abraham! Then there's the story of the
sacrifice. The Jewish take on the story
of Isaac's near-sacrifice is very different to the Christian one. They see it as a story of Abraham's failure,
rather than the triumph of his faith - in their view Abraham failed because he
didn't question that God wanted child sacrifice, just like all the pagan gods
did. They say that Abraham should have
known God well enough to know that that was not something that He would ever
want, and that God was wanting him to have the courage to say so.
I've never ever
heard a sermon on any of this from Sarah's perspective. Sarah tends to be looked down on because she
doubted God - she laughed, mockingly, at the prophecy, then she lost faith and
tried to fix the problem herself instead of waiting for God, creating Ishmael
in the process.
So. We've got faith-filled Abraham, and doubting,
impatient Sarah. Or, we've got a man who
doesn't mind handing his wife over for someone else to use if it makes him
rich, and who would rather kill his son than question what he thought God said…
and long-suffering, loving, patient Sarah, who follows her man through right
and wrong, childlessness, bigamy, deserts, step-children, visits from angels,
family break-down, near murder and visions… because her love is as strong as
his faith.
See what I
mean? Both these versions of the story
are true, but only one is ever spoken.
And the air-brushed version is the one we get.
I'm starting again,
reading through the Bible. I'm reading a
new translation that I haven't read before, and I'm going to do my best to see
the people I meet in the pages with fresh eyes.
I want to let the stories breathe a bit, and let the people be who they
are, instead of who we've made them be.
And somehow on this journey, I'm hoping to find more of the God who is
whispering to me to come looking for Him… because He is the whole point of
this.
